Facing death is no easy matter but it can be made easier when steps have been taken to prepare ahead. Here Joanne Howe, from DyingMatters, talks about confronting and planning for the inevitable.
It will come as no surprise that dying happens to all of us. We all know it is in our future however, it may take some years to happen or it may occur quickly with no warning.
Either way, taking time to plan now, ideally while you are well, is the best thing to do so you have the dying experience you want and your loved ones are removed from the burden of making difficult decisions at an emotional time.
About a year ago my sister, Deborah, and I decided we wanted to do something to improve how New Zealanders die. This desire came after Deborah lost her husband Steve at just 47 years of age and we realised the experience could have been very different – calmer, less stressful.
Though difficult to fully comprehend then how we might have managed the stress and anxiety, Steve’s passing has since driven us to set up our business, DyingMatters.
DyingMatters believes it’s your life and you should be the one who decides the experience you want when dying. Whether it’s engaging a Death Doula to demystify the dying process and provide support, or planning ahead so the choices are clear and your affairs are in order, we can help.
A Death Doula does not replace medical caregivers. The purpose is to offer emotional, spiritual, and practical support during the dying process.
As a Death Doula, Deborah, walks alongside the dying and their loved ones. She listens. She offers comfort. She provides education. She helps with planning and decision-making. And, she sits at the bedside so someone doesn’t have to be alone.
When I think about dying, my biggest fear is that people won’t know what I want to happen while I am dying i.e. medical interventions I want or don’t want and how I wish be treated.
Dying can be a heavy topic but solving these challenges is simple. We should have conversations about dying and we need to write down what we want and share that with our loved ones.
MyDyingPlan is a guided document to record your medical directives and personal preferences for when you are dying. This is important because as death nears it’s very possible you won’t be able to speak for yourself.
The goal with MyDyingPlan is to make sure your voice is heard so you have the dying experience you desire. Completing a MyDyingPlan and engaging with a Doula will:
- protect your family and loved ones from guesswork and conflict because everyone has clarity on your dying experience wishes.
- give doctors and caregivers a better understanding of who you are, and the kind of end-of-life experience you want.
- ensure you receive added, personal support and comfort if needed.
Deborah and I have seen families where death was never spoken about. When the time came, there was panic, conflict, and regret. We have also seen families who had support and the courage to talk openly about dying and to plan ahead.
The difference in these experiences is significant and from our lived experience we recommend the latter for your sake and that of your loved ones. We are happy to help and welcome your questions.